The sun is shining through the golden leaves of our crabapple tree and they are glowing. Little finches are feasting on the orange fruits, hopping through the branches and flitting around the yard when White Face or Spot (our cats) get too close. The sky is so blue. I love this time of year. The colors are rich and warm. While chilly in the morning, the afternoons are perfect. I'm finishing up my canning...tomatillo salsa, dried fruit, pumpkin, garden huckleberries for pie. Autumn is a satisfying season. A time to harvest and gather, store for later.
I'm harvesting what I've learned, and what I am continuing to learn. Keeping it in my heart so I don't forget. Turning it over in my mind and trying to make sense of it all. Remembering not only events, but feelings and impressions.
About July I decided to declutter my home when school began. That obviously got pushed to the back burner when cancer came marching in our front door. But now that we've marched it back out again, I see that I need to declutter more than my house. I need to simplify my life and really focus on what matters most.
I cut out a lot of things back when I was pregnant with B - I was simply too sick and too busy caring for our small people to do much else. "I'm sorry, I can't" came out of my mouth a lot. It simplified things, but every time I said it, I felt defeated. I read an article the other day that suggested replacing "I can't" with "I won't". "I can't" means that I am not able. "I won't" means that I choose not to, that I am choosing something else that means more to me. "I won't" is empowering.
I need to decide what it is I really hope to accomplish in life and then choose accordingly. None of us knows how many tomorrows we will be blessed with, and even if I lived to be 150 there would still be things I'd want to do. I've got to prioritize. I'm sorting through not only the physical contents of our home, but my emotional and spiritual components. I'm harvesting the best parts and letting go of the rest.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
New Normal
We are trying to find our new normal. I feel like I skipped September and I'm a month late in establishing a good back-in-school routine. I have to think about when scouts is and what night is soccer practice - it isn't automatic yet. I don't remember who has library on Thursday and who has it on Monday either. Somebody probably had library today.
The biggest change in my new normal has nothing to do with our routine though. I'm just extremely grateful. For everything. For everyone. For everyday. This heightened sense of thanksgiving has made me really teary. One of my neighbors who taught science for years told me that the Spirit is liquid. He's right, when my heart gets full it leaks out of my eyes. I don't just feel grateful either - I want to act more grateful, I want to be more grateful. I want to share, and give, and help someone else because I have been so blessed. I can never repay the kindness and blessings I have received, but I can sure try.
I went to M's parent teacher conferences last week and was filled with gratitude that he is self-motivated when it comes to studious things. He's done fantastic, even though I have been rather oblivious to his schooling. He's a reading machine.
P is playing flag football and is having a wonderful time. He's scored a few touchdowns and sometimes his team actually runs plays now. He went on an awesome fieldtrip up the canyon last month and is memorizing his multiplication facts. I'm grateful that he is becoming responsible for his own learning.
G is playing soccer. He and his buddy Z are scoring a lot of goals and are having a great time running around the field. It's fun to watch them work together and I'm grateful he finds so much joy in using his body.
E is loving school. She comes home delighted about the new sound they learned. She learned to ride her bike without training wheels on B's birthday. I came home from choir practice and there she was, riding up the road all by herself. I'm grateful that she is so excited about learning new things.
B is my painting buddy. If you've ever tried painting in your home with a 4 year old helper, you'll know fun (and messy) that can be. We finally came up to a good compromise- since I'm painting the entry way, I open the door and he paints mud all over my front steps where I can watch. It's much better than having him paint real paint on the wall, floor, and couch. We have our good days and not-so-good ones, but life is always more interesting and fulfilling with B. I'm grateful for his sunny little face.
J is steady as always. I am grateful for him and love him so much. He has been my rock through all of this, even though it's been hard for us both. Words really can't express how thankful I am to be his wife.
I'm just grateful for my blessings, large and small.
The biggest change in my new normal has nothing to do with our routine though. I'm just extremely grateful. For everything. For everyone. For everyday. This heightened sense of thanksgiving has made me really teary. One of my neighbors who taught science for years told me that the Spirit is liquid. He's right, when my heart gets full it leaks out of my eyes. I don't just feel grateful either - I want to act more grateful, I want to be more grateful. I want to share, and give, and help someone else because I have been so blessed. I can never repay the kindness and blessings I have received, but I can sure try.
I went to M's parent teacher conferences last week and was filled with gratitude that he is self-motivated when it comes to studious things. He's done fantastic, even though I have been rather oblivious to his schooling. He's a reading machine.
P is playing flag football and is having a wonderful time. He's scored a few touchdowns and sometimes his team actually runs plays now. He went on an awesome fieldtrip up the canyon last month and is memorizing his multiplication facts. I'm grateful that he is becoming responsible for his own learning.
G is playing soccer. He and his buddy Z are scoring a lot of goals and are having a great time running around the field. It's fun to watch them work together and I'm grateful he finds so much joy in using his body.
E is loving school. She comes home delighted about the new sound they learned. She learned to ride her bike without training wheels on B's birthday. I came home from choir practice and there she was, riding up the road all by herself. I'm grateful that she is so excited about learning new things.
B is my painting buddy. If you've ever tried painting in your home with a 4 year old helper, you'll know fun (and messy) that can be. We finally came up to a good compromise- since I'm painting the entry way, I open the door and he paints mud all over my front steps where I can watch. It's much better than having him paint real paint on the wall, floor, and couch. We have our good days and not-so-good ones, but life is always more interesting and fulfilling with B. I'm grateful for his sunny little face.
J is steady as always. I am grateful for him and love him so much. He has been my rock through all of this, even though it's been hard for us both. Words really can't express how thankful I am to be his wife.
I'm just grateful for my blessings, large and small.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
