Friday afternoon I had the opportunity to attend the funeral of a lady whom I'd never met. Her name was Helen and she only lived a couple of blocks away. We had spoken briefly on the phone because she was my visiting teaching supervisor for a while...but I'd never gone out of my way to meet her and health challenges made it hard for her to leave her home.
At first I felt a little uncomfortable being there. Grief is such a private emotion and I, not knowing Helen or her family, felt out of place because I wasn't grieving.
But then the stories unfolded and I was blessed with a glimpse into the life of a wonderful woman. I marveled at her patient, loving, long-term service. Her sense of humor. Her commitment. Her testimony. Her love for her family and willingness to work so hard behind the scenes. The love her family had for her was beautiful and tender.
Soon I was grieving because I hadn't met her. I sat with tears streaming down my face, unable to sing a single word of the closing hymn. I was touched, moved to try harder and inspired to love more fully. Prompted to make the effort to get to know people better, so I can hear their stories and and learn from them while they are still here.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Decluttered - A sampling of things that don't live here anymore and why they were evicted
Cute wooden dollhouse - E has a larger dollhouse that she plays with most of the time. Whenever I looked at this one, I remembered how B fell on it and cut his forehead open on one of the gables. The gash required several stitches to close. Ouch.
Little People and other baby toys - We are talking the "Ohhhh....remember when we bought that for so and so..." type of toys. Lots of happy memories of Christmases and birthdays past, happy giggles, and tiny hands. But, as B (my faithful 4-year-old decluttering buddy) reminded me "Mom, no babies live here anymore." He is right, and I don't need the toys to remember the ones who did. Donated to a place that works closely with the women's shelter and almost cried when I set them in the bin.
Old Institute study manuals - Haven't attended a formal institute class for at least eleven years, and would search online if I wanted to know something that might be contained in one of these bulky books. One entire shelf emptied.
Clothes I don't wear - Some really nice pieces that others have given to me. But what good are lovely clothes that you don't ever wear? I tend to wear the same things again and again. I'm considering doing a "Project 333" type of thing where you choose 33 items (excluding undies, workout clothes, socks, pj's) and wear them for 3 months. After I packed up my summer clothes, there are only about 40 items (including maybe's) left anyway. I'm wearing the items from my "maybe" pile this week. At the end of the day, if I liked it, I'll keep it. If I didn't, I'll donate it.
A couple of cookbooks and a huge pile of cooking magazines - I am blessed with a family of picky eaters who enjoy eating the same very simple things repeatedly. Why am I keeping books I don't ever cook out of or magazine that encourage me to try new recipes nobody (except me and B) will eat? How about the one where everything is measured in grams instead of cups and teaspoons? I cut my favorite recipes out of the magazines and let the rest go. I also cancelled my subscription. If I need a new recipe, I'll look online or call one of my friends who are fantastic cooks.
Books - This is a hard one for me. I love books and have a hard time parting with them, especially if they are hardcover and have pretty endpaper. Non-fiction reference books = keep. Beautiful picture books = keep. "Free" kids books that they don't like = gone. Most of the fiction that I've already read and can get at the library = let go. While talking with a friend I realized that I rarely read the same fiction books twice, or at least not until several years have passed. I don't need to keep my own copy. Some books shared to friends. Some to the library. Some to the D.I.
Plastic food storage containers, mostly LIDS - Are you laughing? I was. I found twice as many lids as containers. Now the drawer shuts and I can find the right lid without digging around for five minutes.
Games we don't play - If it wasn't fun four years ago, and it still wasn't fun last year, why do I think it might suddenly be fun to play next year?
Bags of frozen, freezer burned, shredded zucchini, circa 2009 - Mmmm! Wouldn't that make some tasty zucchini bread. Obviously pushed to the back of the freezer. However, it has survived several defrosting projects, did I just toss it back in without reading the date? Gone.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Harvesting
The sun is shining through the golden leaves of our crabapple tree and they are glowing. Little finches are feasting on the orange fruits, hopping through the branches and flitting around the yard when White Face or Spot (our cats) get too close. The sky is so blue. I love this time of year. The colors are rich and warm. While chilly in the morning, the afternoons are perfect. I'm finishing up my canning...tomatillo salsa, dried fruit, pumpkin, garden huckleberries for pie. Autumn is a satisfying season. A time to harvest and gather, store for later.
I'm harvesting what I've learned, and what I am continuing to learn. Keeping it in my heart so I don't forget. Turning it over in my mind and trying to make sense of it all. Remembering not only events, but feelings and impressions.
About July I decided to declutter my home when school began. That obviously got pushed to the back burner when cancer came marching in our front door. But now that we've marched it back out again, I see that I need to declutter more than my house. I need to simplify my life and really focus on what matters most.
I cut out a lot of things back when I was pregnant with B - I was simply too sick and too busy caring for our small people to do much else. "I'm sorry, I can't" came out of my mouth a lot. It simplified things, but every time I said it, I felt defeated. I read an article the other day that suggested replacing "I can't" with "I won't". "I can't" means that I am not able. "I won't" means that I choose not to, that I am choosing something else that means more to me. "I won't" is empowering.
I need to decide what it is I really hope to accomplish in life and then choose accordingly. None of us knows how many tomorrows we will be blessed with, and even if I lived to be 150 there would still be things I'd want to do. I've got to prioritize. I'm sorting through not only the physical contents of our home, but my emotional and spiritual components. I'm harvesting the best parts and letting go of the rest.
I'm harvesting what I've learned, and what I am continuing to learn. Keeping it in my heart so I don't forget. Turning it over in my mind and trying to make sense of it all. Remembering not only events, but feelings and impressions.
About July I decided to declutter my home when school began. That obviously got pushed to the back burner when cancer came marching in our front door. But now that we've marched it back out again, I see that I need to declutter more than my house. I need to simplify my life and really focus on what matters most.
I cut out a lot of things back when I was pregnant with B - I was simply too sick and too busy caring for our small people to do much else. "I'm sorry, I can't" came out of my mouth a lot. It simplified things, but every time I said it, I felt defeated. I read an article the other day that suggested replacing "I can't" with "I won't". "I can't" means that I am not able. "I won't" means that I choose not to, that I am choosing something else that means more to me. "I won't" is empowering.
I need to decide what it is I really hope to accomplish in life and then choose accordingly. None of us knows how many tomorrows we will be blessed with, and even if I lived to be 150 there would still be things I'd want to do. I've got to prioritize. I'm sorting through not only the physical contents of our home, but my emotional and spiritual components. I'm harvesting the best parts and letting go of the rest.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
New Normal
We are trying to find our new normal. I feel like I skipped September and I'm a month late in establishing a good back-in-school routine. I have to think about when scouts is and what night is soccer practice - it isn't automatic yet. I don't remember who has library on Thursday and who has it on Monday either. Somebody probably had library today.
The biggest change in my new normal has nothing to do with our routine though. I'm just extremely grateful. For everything. For everyone. For everyday. This heightened sense of thanksgiving has made me really teary. One of my neighbors who taught science for years told me that the Spirit is liquid. He's right, when my heart gets full it leaks out of my eyes. I don't just feel grateful either - I want to act more grateful, I want to be more grateful. I want to share, and give, and help someone else because I have been so blessed. I can never repay the kindness and blessings I have received, but I can sure try.
I went to M's parent teacher conferences last week and was filled with gratitude that he is self-motivated when it comes to studious things. He's done fantastic, even though I have been rather oblivious to his schooling. He's a reading machine.
P is playing flag football and is having a wonderful time. He's scored a few touchdowns and sometimes his team actually runs plays now. He went on an awesome fieldtrip up the canyon last month and is memorizing his multiplication facts. I'm grateful that he is becoming responsible for his own learning.
G is playing soccer. He and his buddy Z are scoring a lot of goals and are having a great time running around the field. It's fun to watch them work together and I'm grateful he finds so much joy in using his body.
E is loving school. She comes home delighted about the new sound they learned. She learned to ride her bike without training wheels on B's birthday. I came home from choir practice and there she was, riding up the road all by herself. I'm grateful that she is so excited about learning new things.
B is my painting buddy. If you've ever tried painting in your home with a 4 year old helper, you'll know fun (and messy) that can be. We finally came up to a good compromise- since I'm painting the entry way, I open the door and he paints mud all over my front steps where I can watch. It's much better than having him paint real paint on the wall, floor, and couch. We have our good days and not-so-good ones, but life is always more interesting and fulfilling with B. I'm grateful for his sunny little face.
J is steady as always. I am grateful for him and love him so much. He has been my rock through all of this, even though it's been hard for us both. Words really can't express how thankful I am to be his wife.
I'm just grateful for my blessings, large and small.
The biggest change in my new normal has nothing to do with our routine though. I'm just extremely grateful. For everything. For everyone. For everyday. This heightened sense of thanksgiving has made me really teary. One of my neighbors who taught science for years told me that the Spirit is liquid. He's right, when my heart gets full it leaks out of my eyes. I don't just feel grateful either - I want to act more grateful, I want to be more grateful. I want to share, and give, and help someone else because I have been so blessed. I can never repay the kindness and blessings I have received, but I can sure try.
I went to M's parent teacher conferences last week and was filled with gratitude that he is self-motivated when it comes to studious things. He's done fantastic, even though I have been rather oblivious to his schooling. He's a reading machine.
P is playing flag football and is having a wonderful time. He's scored a few touchdowns and sometimes his team actually runs plays now. He went on an awesome fieldtrip up the canyon last month and is memorizing his multiplication facts. I'm grateful that he is becoming responsible for his own learning.
G is playing soccer. He and his buddy Z are scoring a lot of goals and are having a great time running around the field. It's fun to watch them work together and I'm grateful he finds so much joy in using his body.
E is loving school. She comes home delighted about the new sound they learned. She learned to ride her bike without training wheels on B's birthday. I came home from choir practice and there she was, riding up the road all by herself. I'm grateful that she is so excited about learning new things.
B is my painting buddy. If you've ever tried painting in your home with a 4 year old helper, you'll know fun (and messy) that can be. We finally came up to a good compromise- since I'm painting the entry way, I open the door and he paints mud all over my front steps where I can watch. It's much better than having him paint real paint on the wall, floor, and couch. We have our good days and not-so-good ones, but life is always more interesting and fulfilling with B. I'm grateful for his sunny little face.
J is steady as always. I am grateful for him and love him so much. He has been my rock through all of this, even though it's been hard for us both. Words really can't express how thankful I am to be his wife.
I'm just grateful for my blessings, large and small.
Friday, September 20, 2013
BENIGN!!!
I just got back from seeing Dr. A and the pathology report came back BENIGN!!! I DO NOT have breast cancer and I am so thankful!!!
Technically, this is what it said:
Post-op Diagnosis: Left Breast Mass
1. Benign breast tissue with adenosis and mild periacinar and periductal chronic inflammation.
2. No carcinoma or atypical epithelial hyperplasia identified.
"Adenosis may present as a mass lesion of the breast. If breast abnormality persists or recurs in this area, additional surgical biopsy of the surrounding area may be considered. Clinical observation and follow-up are recommended."
Dr. A said I am good to go...He recommended having another mammogram in a year to follow-up on the area. So unless something happens between now and then, I'm done with this for a year. I can breathe a sigh of relief.
Technically, this is what it said:
Post-op Diagnosis: Left Breast Mass
1. Benign breast tissue with adenosis and mild periacinar and periductal chronic inflammation.
2. No carcinoma or atypical epithelial hyperplasia identified.
"Adenosis may present as a mass lesion of the breast. If breast abnormality persists or recurs in this area, additional surgical biopsy of the surrounding area may be considered. Clinical observation and follow-up are recommended."
Dr. A said I am good to go...He recommended having another mammogram in a year to follow-up on the area. So unless something happens between now and then, I'm done with this for a year. I can breathe a sigh of relief.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Breast Biopsy
I thought I was going to have the breast biopsy yesterday, but instead we had to talk about all of my options again (since last time we talked about it I had just woken up from surgery). So I had to go back again today for the actual procedure.
I had it done in the office with local anesthesia. It hurts like crazy when they inject the numbing medicine, but I knew that before I got there. I've done this before. I had my first lumpectomy when I was 22. Fresh out of college, single, working for USU Extension Service in Salt Lake County. Life was grand, and then came the lump. It grew quickly and scared me a good one. I was glad to be rid of it. Waiting for the pathology to come back was torturous. I took a long look at my life, where I'd been and where I wanted to go. I apologized to someone I'd hurt. I decided I should enjoy life more instead of being a workaholic. When the results came back as benign I was extremely grateful.
I learned a lot from that experience and realized that being afraid didn't help me one bit. I've tried to approach this go around with more faith and less fear. It's made a huge difference, especially in how those closest to me have handled all of this. I realized that if I was afraid, they would be more afraid. And if I were faithful, brave, and cheerful (for the most part), they would be too. On the way to my appointment this morning though, I still had to cry a little.
The excisional biopsy went well. I lay there on the table with a spotlight on my bare little breast, making small talk with the surgeon as he is cutting and stitching away. Tugging, pulling, pressure, and there was the cauterizing machine, making little zapping, sputtering noises and smelly smoke. Weird. Kind of like having a baby, only not quite as personal. Anyhow, the pathology should come back Thursday and I go back to see the Dr. on Friday morning.
I'm really sore and swollen tonight. Tomorrow is going to be painful, the second day always feels worse. And then I should start to feel better.
I had it done in the office with local anesthesia. It hurts like crazy when they inject the numbing medicine, but I knew that before I got there. I've done this before. I had my first lumpectomy when I was 22. Fresh out of college, single, working for USU Extension Service in Salt Lake County. Life was grand, and then came the lump. It grew quickly and scared me a good one. I was glad to be rid of it. Waiting for the pathology to come back was torturous. I took a long look at my life, where I'd been and where I wanted to go. I apologized to someone I'd hurt. I decided I should enjoy life more instead of being a workaholic. When the results came back as benign I was extremely grateful.
I learned a lot from that experience and realized that being afraid didn't help me one bit. I've tried to approach this go around with more faith and less fear. It's made a huge difference, especially in how those closest to me have handled all of this. I realized that if I was afraid, they would be more afraid. And if I were faithful, brave, and cheerful (for the most part), they would be too. On the way to my appointment this morning though, I still had to cry a little.
The excisional biopsy went well. I lay there on the table with a spotlight on my bare little breast, making small talk with the surgeon as he is cutting and stitching away. Tugging, pulling, pressure, and there was the cauterizing machine, making little zapping, sputtering noises and smelly smoke. Weird. Kind of like having a baby, only not quite as personal. Anyhow, the pathology should come back Thursday and I go back to see the Dr. on Friday morning.
I'm really sore and swollen tonight. Tomorrow is going to be painful, the second day always feels worse. And then I should start to feel better.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Great News!
I went for my follow up visits today and got great news! The pathology came back as Stage 1 papillary carcinoma, but I do not have to have the radioiodine treatment!
While the larger nodule in my thyroid was almost 2 cm, the cancerous area inside the nodule was only .99 cm and was just 2/10 of a millimeter away from the edge of my thyroid. Dr. K said that the cutoff for tumor size is 1 cm, so I was under it. If the tumor would have extended beyond the thyroid we would have had to do it anyway. By a hair, I was under the criteria. He said that no difference in outcome has been shown between patients with tumors less than 1 cm who had the radioiodine treatment and those who did not.
I'm doing well with the thyroid replacement hormone. I actually woke up this morning and felt like the "old me" from a couple of years ago. The past year or so I have been so tired and have felt terribly slow and sluggish. Today I woke up thinking that I ought to go for a run, something I haven't done for a while. I seriously only ran two or three times after the Ragnar relay in June and ran the half marathon on will power and no training. My poor thyroid probably hasn't been working right for a while.
We will monitor my thyroglobulin and T4 levels and do ultrasounds to follow up. I am so thankful!
I also saw the neurologist to talk about the EEG I had on Monday. He said it came back normal and I am cleared to drive. If more problems arise, we will address them, but for now, I'm good to go.
I scheduled the breast biopsy for next Monday.
I am so grateful. Thank you all for your fasting, prayers, kind cards and words. I have felt them and have been blessed.
While the larger nodule in my thyroid was almost 2 cm, the cancerous area inside the nodule was only .99 cm and was just 2/10 of a millimeter away from the edge of my thyroid. Dr. K said that the cutoff for tumor size is 1 cm, so I was under it. If the tumor would have extended beyond the thyroid we would have had to do it anyway. By a hair, I was under the criteria. He said that no difference in outcome has been shown between patients with tumors less than 1 cm who had the radioiodine treatment and those who did not.
I'm doing well with the thyroid replacement hormone. I actually woke up this morning and felt like the "old me" from a couple of years ago. The past year or so I have been so tired and have felt terribly slow and sluggish. Today I woke up thinking that I ought to go for a run, something I haven't done for a while. I seriously only ran two or three times after the Ragnar relay in June and ran the half marathon on will power and no training. My poor thyroid probably hasn't been working right for a while.
We will monitor my thyroglobulin and T4 levels and do ultrasounds to follow up. I am so thankful!
I also saw the neurologist to talk about the EEG I had on Monday. He said it came back normal and I am cleared to drive. If more problems arise, we will address them, but for now, I'm good to go.
I scheduled the breast biopsy for next Monday.
I am so grateful. Thank you all for your fasting, prayers, kind cards and words. I have felt them and have been blessed.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
G's Baptism
G was baptized today and it was beautiful. I am so thankful for his kind and compassionate heart. We knew of his sweet spirit even before he was born. G has brought a lot of joy, peace, love, and comfort to our family.
We decided to go ahead as planned because getting baptized is eternally important. You never know what life will bring your way and quite often, hard times precede spiritual blessings. I have been blessed by making and keeping my covenants and the Holy Ghost has helped me in countless ways. I am thankful that G can have his companionship.
It was wonderful to have so many of our family members with us. We love you all! I am glad that they are always so willing to jump in and help out. They truly helped make today special for all of us.
I hope G will remember this day forever, the way he felt, the words that were spoken, the covenants made.
We decided to go ahead as planned because getting baptized is eternally important. You never know what life will bring your way and quite often, hard times precede spiritual blessings. I have been blessed by making and keeping my covenants and the Holy Ghost has helped me in countless ways. I am thankful that G can have his companionship.
It was wonderful to have so many of our family members with us. We love you all! I am glad that they are always so willing to jump in and help out. They truly helped make today special for all of us.
I hope G will remember this day forever, the way he felt, the words that were spoken, the covenants made.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Mixed Emotions
I've been told, more than a few times lately, "Oh, you've got the good kind of cancer!" Really? Like I picked up the good kind of ice cream from the grocery store.
I realize that people mean well, but I don't think any type of cancer is "good". While most types of thyroid cancer respond very well to treatment (and I'm grateful for that), it's still cancer. It's disruptive. It requires trips to the doctor and surgery and radiation. I'll be taking thyroid replacement hormone every day for the rest of my life. The thyroid helps regulate every single cell in your body, and now, I don't have one.
I'm a mix of emotions. I felt a little mad about it all this morning. Upset because this is not something I wanted, even though I know we grow from our trials. Frustrated because surgery makes me feel crummy, though I knew removing the cancer was the right thing to do. Annoyed because I don't like to be dependent upon medication, but grateful that there is medication to take. Sad because I miss B, and happy that he is having so much fun with his cousins. Out of sorts because our routine has been turned upside down, and thankful because so many other people have stepped in to help.
I know it is all part of the process; I have to deal with the emotional side of cancer as well as the physical. It's hard though and I'm sure it doesn't help that my hormones are probably a little out of whack. I'll probably feel better about it tomorrow.
I realize that people mean well, but I don't think any type of cancer is "good". While most types of thyroid cancer respond very well to treatment (and I'm grateful for that), it's still cancer. It's disruptive. It requires trips to the doctor and surgery and radiation. I'll be taking thyroid replacement hormone every day for the rest of my life. The thyroid helps regulate every single cell in your body, and now, I don't have one.
I'm a mix of emotions. I felt a little mad about it all this morning. Upset because this is not something I wanted, even though I know we grow from our trials. Frustrated because surgery makes me feel crummy, though I knew removing the cancer was the right thing to do. Annoyed because I don't like to be dependent upon medication, but grateful that there is medication to take. Sad because I miss B, and happy that he is having so much fun with his cousins. Out of sorts because our routine has been turned upside down, and thankful because so many other people have stepped in to help.
I know it is all part of the process; I have to deal with the emotional side of cancer as well as the physical. It's hard though and I'm sure it doesn't help that my hormones are probably a little out of whack. I'll probably feel better about it tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Home
I'm back home and doing well, just really tired. I didn't lose my voice and my calcium levels are good. I started taking thyroid replacement hormone today. I have an appointment with Dr. K next week to go over the final pathology and talk about the radioiodine ablation.
I had a bit of a problem with some stuttering and uncontrollable shaking last night (a problem I have experienced before) and will be doing some follow up with a neurologist early next week to figure out what might, or might not, be at the root of it. I'm not supposed to drive until he gives me the all clear, but I don't really feel like going anywhere anyway. I'll also follow up with Dr. A in the near future to address the atypical breast biopsy.
Thank you for all of your help, kind thoughts, and prayers. We are so grateful!
I had a bit of a problem with some stuttering and uncontrollable shaking last night (a problem I have experienced before) and will be doing some follow up with a neurologist early next week to figure out what might, or might not, be at the root of it. I'm not supposed to drive until he gives me the all clear, but I don't really feel like going anywhere anyway. I'll also follow up with Dr. A in the near future to address the atypical breast biopsy.
Thank you for all of your help, kind thoughts, and prayers. We are so grateful!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Camille is out of Surgery
Camille wanted me to update the blog and let everyone know that she is out of surgery and doing fine. The thyroid removal went very well and the doctor said that there were no problems in surgery. The breast biopsy, however, did not happen. Before the surgery they did an ultrasound to locate the lump exactly and they could not find it. He didn't want to go in blind, so he didn't feel comfortable with that surgery today. He was not concerned and said a little more time wouldn't matter. He will be in later today to update us and give us our options.
Monday, September 2, 2013
B Goes for a Visit
I took B over to my parent's house this morning and dropped him off. They drove him to my sister's house in Price where he is going to stay for a while. B does best when we follow a routine...and things aren't exactly routine right now. It was so hard for me to leave him; he's only 3. Even though I knew it was for the best, I cried all the way home. I cried while I was stocking my freezer with the soup and bread my mom had made for me. By evening, we were all really missing his cheery little face.
My wonderful sister called tonight to let me know he was doing fine. They had done the same things what we usually do, and he was sweetly sleeping, curled up next to his cousin. I hope that years down the road, when B looks back on this time, he just remembers having a fun time playing with his cousins.
My wonderful sister called tonight to let me know he was doing fine. They had done the same things what we usually do, and he was sweetly sleeping, curled up next to his cousin. I hope that years down the road, when B looks back on this time, he just remembers having a fun time playing with his cousins.
Workways With the Wind and the Waves
The day I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I turned to my scriptures, searching for guidance in how to handle everything that was happening. I opened up to the Doctrine and Covenants, section 123. There, written so long ago, was exactly what I was seeking.
D&C 123:16-17
16. You know, Camille, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.
17. Therefore, dearly beloved Camille, cheerfully do all things that lie in your power; and then stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.
It doesn't say that the storm will cease and the winds won't blow - they will for each of us. But if I keep God at the helm of my ship, He will keep me workways with the wind so that I can move forward instead of sinking. If I keep my chin up and do everything that I can, He will make up the difference and take care the things I can't.
So many of you have shared encouraging words, hugs, jars of jam, offered to help, included us in your fasting and prayer, dropped off snacks or little gifts for our kids, and countless other kindnesses...thank you, thank you, thank you! We have felt an outpouring of love and peace. I am truly blessed to live in a place where people care so much about each other.
D&C 123:16-17
16. You know, Camille, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.
17. Therefore, dearly beloved Camille, cheerfully do all things that lie in your power; and then stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.
It doesn't say that the storm will cease and the winds won't blow - they will for each of us. But if I keep God at the helm of my ship, He will keep me workways with the wind so that I can move forward instead of sinking. If I keep my chin up and do everything that I can, He will make up the difference and take care the things I can't.
So many of you have shared encouraging words, hugs, jars of jam, offered to help, included us in your fasting and prayer, dropped off snacks or little gifts for our kids, and countless other kindnesses...thank you, thank you, thank you! We have felt an outpouring of love and peace. I am truly blessed to live in a place where people care so much about each other.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Surgery Date
J and I went to see Dr. A today and we are all set for Tuesday! I'm glad that the two procedures could be combined. I will be having an excisional breast biopsy with needle localization and a thyroidectomy with possible neck dissection. I am so grateful for all of the people who helped to coordinate everything - family, friends, the office ladies, Dr. K, and Dr. A.
After all of the pathology reports come back we will be able to make a more specific treatment plan. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers - it really helps to feel all of your love and support.
After all of the pathology reports come back we will be able to make a more specific treatment plan. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers - it really helps to feel all of your love and support.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Anticipation
We don't do so well with anticipation around our house. For better or worse, we deal much better with the known. I think most people are that way. I am thankful for all of my wonderful friends and family, but can't call each of you as often as I'd like. Because I don't text or facebook, I'm going to post information on my long neglected blog so you'll know what is happening.
Monday, August 19
6 month follow-up ultrasound on nodule in my left thyroid lobe.
6 month follow-up ultrasound for the breast lump.
Tuesday, August 20
Radiologist called to let me know that the changes in the breast lump bumped my BI-RADS number from a 3 to a 4. We schedule a core biopsy for Friday.
Wednesday, August 21
I am canning apricots when Dr. K's office calls to tell me that my thyroid biopsy had some abnormalities...Would I like to come in today instead of next week to talk about it? Sure. J and I go see Dr. K and learn that I have thyroid cancer. The lymph node biopsy came back benign. We schedule surgery to remove my thyroid for Tuesday, Sept. 2.
I go to back to school night with three of my kids and introduce myself to their new teachers. It feels surreal to tell them that things might be a little crazy in our family for a while because I have cancer.
Thursday, August 22
First day of school for M, P, and G! They all have a great first day and come home full of stories. My dad and J give me a blessing. I feel reassured that we will all be alright, but it is not going to be easy.
Friday, August 23
G's 8th birthday. I have the breast lump biopsy. It bleeds a lot and the doctor asks what I am planning to do tomorrow. When I tell him I am running a half marathon, he gives me some more instructions about caring for my biopsy site so I don't hemorrhage like the girl who did the same thing last year. I bind my breasts and use ice 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off until I go to bed. I hope it will work.
I go to pick up my race packet with my mom, sister, and G. We go birthday shopping and stop for frozen yogurt.
Saturday, August 24
My friend and I leave for the half marathon at 4:45 a.m. We could have left at 1:00...I'm having a hard time sleeping.
It was perfect race weather. I double up the sports bras and run with my mom - she set a new personal best and I finished faster than I did the first time I ran this race. The race was a great stress reliever...I left a lot of my frustration and few tears along the course. I cried when I got my medal. When I got home I hung it up in my room to remind me that I have cancer, cancer doesn't have me.
Sunday, August 25
Great talks in church today - recapping what we learned at our special stake conference last week. Much about struggling, growing, and bringing forth good fruit. Lots of food for thought.
On the way home from church, J notices that the biopsy sites on my neck are green today. Lovely.
I went to choir practice. One of the risks of this thyroid surgery is damage to your vocal nerves. Most people are hoarse for a few days or weeks...once in a while it is permanent. This might be the last practice I attend for a while.
Monday, August 26
First day of Kindergarten. E is nervous, but when she gets off of the bus she tells me that it was "The best day EVERRRRRRRRR!" I'm so glad.
Tuesday, August 27
My bosom is a bright shade of chartreuse...healing bruises are colorful.
I spend the morning in the temple with two of my friends. I feel at peace. I am confident that in the long run, I am going to be fine. I feel like the near future is going to be a bit of a bumpy ride.
In the afternoon, I read my breast biopsy results online. Hmm. Atypical cells. Nuclear enlargement. Hyperchomasia. Nueclear pleomorphism. Surgical biopsy recommended. I call my mom and she and I look up words together. We get the general idea. I hope that the doctor's office will call tomorrow and explain what this all means in laymen terms. I wait.
Wednesday, August 28
I decide to call the doctor myself...I only speak with office people, but they get me a referral to a surgeon. I call the surgeon's office. The lady on the phone tells me that their first open appointment isn't until next Tuesday. I explain my situation and she transfers me to Jackie who says she will talk to the doctor herself and see what she can do. I wait.
I take B to speech. I pick up copies of his homework to leave with my sister when B goes to visit. We discuss his speech goals and finish his IEP over the phone. I wait.
Late in the afternoon Jackie calls me back. She says that Dr. A is on call on Friday and can see me at noon. We'll talk about my results and what is next then. She tells me to keep my surgery for Tuesday and they will try to work something out with Dr. K's office. I am so grateful. I'm sure it took her all day to work out the details.
Monday, August 19
6 month follow-up ultrasound on nodule in my left thyroid lobe.
- same size as before
- several enlarged lymph nodes in my neck
- small new nodule growing in the right lobe
6 month follow-up ultrasound for the breast lump.
- lump appears to be slightly larger
- appears more solid and less cystic than before
Tuesday, August 20
Radiologist called to let me know that the changes in the breast lump bumped my BI-RADS number from a 3 to a 4. We schedule a core biopsy for Friday.
Wednesday, August 21
I am canning apricots when Dr. K's office calls to tell me that my thyroid biopsy had some abnormalities...Would I like to come in today instead of next week to talk about it? Sure. J and I go see Dr. K and learn that I have thyroid cancer. The lymph node biopsy came back benign. We schedule surgery to remove my thyroid for Tuesday, Sept. 2.
I go to back to school night with three of my kids and introduce myself to their new teachers. It feels surreal to tell them that things might be a little crazy in our family for a while because I have cancer.
Thursday, August 22
First day of school for M, P, and G! They all have a great first day and come home full of stories. My dad and J give me a blessing. I feel reassured that we will all be alright, but it is not going to be easy.
Friday, August 23
G's 8th birthday. I have the breast lump biopsy. It bleeds a lot and the doctor asks what I am planning to do tomorrow. When I tell him I am running a half marathon, he gives me some more instructions about caring for my biopsy site so I don't hemorrhage like the girl who did the same thing last year. I bind my breasts and use ice 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off until I go to bed. I hope it will work.
I go to pick up my race packet with my mom, sister, and G. We go birthday shopping and stop for frozen yogurt.
Saturday, August 24
My friend and I leave for the half marathon at 4:45 a.m. We could have left at 1:00...I'm having a hard time sleeping.
It was perfect race weather. I double up the sports bras and run with my mom - she set a new personal best and I finished faster than I did the first time I ran this race. The race was a great stress reliever...I left a lot of my frustration and few tears along the course. I cried when I got my medal. When I got home I hung it up in my room to remind me that I have cancer, cancer doesn't have me.
Sunday, August 25
Great talks in church today - recapping what we learned at our special stake conference last week. Much about struggling, growing, and bringing forth good fruit. Lots of food for thought.
On the way home from church, J notices that the biopsy sites on my neck are green today. Lovely.
I went to choir practice. One of the risks of this thyroid surgery is damage to your vocal nerves. Most people are hoarse for a few days or weeks...once in a while it is permanent. This might be the last practice I attend for a while.
Monday, August 26
First day of Kindergarten. E is nervous, but when she gets off of the bus she tells me that it was "The best day EVERRRRRRRRR!" I'm so glad.
Tuesday, August 27
My bosom is a bright shade of chartreuse...healing bruises are colorful.
I spend the morning in the temple with two of my friends. I feel at peace. I am confident that in the long run, I am going to be fine. I feel like the near future is going to be a bit of a bumpy ride.
In the afternoon, I read my breast biopsy results online. Hmm. Atypical cells. Nuclear enlargement. Hyperchomasia. Nueclear pleomorphism. Surgical biopsy recommended. I call my mom and she and I look up words together. We get the general idea. I hope that the doctor's office will call tomorrow and explain what this all means in laymen terms. I wait.
Wednesday, August 28
I decide to call the doctor myself...I only speak with office people, but they get me a referral to a surgeon. I call the surgeon's office. The lady on the phone tells me that their first open appointment isn't until next Tuesday. I explain my situation and she transfers me to Jackie who says she will talk to the doctor herself and see what she can do. I wait.
I take B to speech. I pick up copies of his homework to leave with my sister when B goes to visit. We discuss his speech goals and finish his IEP over the phone. I wait.
Late in the afternoon Jackie calls me back. She says that Dr. A is on call on Friday and can see me at noon. We'll talk about my results and what is next then. She tells me to keep my surgery for Tuesday and they will try to work something out with Dr. K's office. I am so grateful. I'm sure it took her all day to work out the details.
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