Harvesting

The sun is shining through the golden leaves of our crabapple tree and they are glowing. Little finches are feasting on the orange fruits, hopping through the branches and flitting around the yard when White Face or Spot (our cats) get too close. The sky is so blue.  I love this time of year. The colors are rich and warm. While chilly in the morning, the afternoons are perfect. I'm finishing up my canning...tomatillo salsa, dried fruit, pumpkin, garden huckleberries for pie. Autumn is a satisfying season. A time to harvest and gather, store for later.

I'm harvesting what I've learned, and what I am continuing to learn. Keeping it in my heart so I don't forget. Turning it over in my mind and trying to make sense of it all. Remembering not only events, but feelings and impressions.

About July I decided to declutter my home when school began. That obviously got pushed to the back burner when cancer came marching in our front door. But now that we've marched it back out again, I see that I need to declutter more than my house. I need to simplify my life and really focus on what matters most.

I cut out a lot of things back when I was pregnant with B - I was simply too sick and too busy caring for our small people to do much else.  "I'm sorry, I can't" came out of my mouth a lot. It simplified things, but every time I said it, I felt defeated.  I read an article the other day that suggested replacing "I can't" with "I won't". "I can't" means that I am not able. "I won't"  means that I choose not to, that I am choosing something else that means more to me.  "I won't" is empowering.

I need to decide what it is I really hope to accomplish in life and then choose accordingly. None of us knows how many tomorrows we will be blessed with, and even if I lived to be 150 there would still be things I'd want to do. I've got to prioritize. I'm sorting through not only the physical contents of our home, but my emotional and spiritual components. I'm harvesting the best parts and letting go of the rest.