Mixed Emotions

I've been told, more than a few times lately, "Oh, you've got the good kind of cancer!" Really? Like I picked up the good kind of ice cream from the grocery store.

I realize that people mean well, but I don't think any type of cancer is "good". While most types of thyroid cancer respond very well to treatment (and I'm grateful for that), it's still cancer. It's disruptive. It requires trips to the doctor and surgery and radiation. I'll be taking thyroid replacement hormone every day for the rest of my life. The thyroid helps regulate every single cell in your body, and now, I don't have one.

I'm a mix of emotions. I felt a little mad about it all this morning. Upset because this is not something I wanted, even though I know we grow from our trials. Frustrated because surgery makes me feel crummy, though I knew removing the cancer was the right thing to do. Annoyed because I don't like to be dependent upon medication, but grateful that there is medication to take. Sad because I miss B, and happy that he is having so much fun with his cousins. Out of sorts because our routine has been turned upside down, and thankful because so many other people have stepped in to help.

I know it is all part of the process; I have to deal with the emotional side of cancer as well as the physical. It's hard though and I'm sure it doesn't help that my hormones are probably a little out of whack. I'll probably feel better about it tomorrow.